the places that you come to fear the most...

I guess it is just as easy to fall out of love, as it is to fall in it. I feel good about myself, I feel good about the fact that I have lost weight, the fact that I have money to make myself look nice on the outside. Why do I feel so shitty inside? When Heather leaves I can't really see myself wanting to stay here. And as much as I would like to move to Vancover, I know it's not gonna happen until I finish school. so I am working my ass off to leave, once again.

I think I need a vacation, though work hasn't even approved my leave for Nicole's wedding. I'm torn with a feeling of despair.

Maybe I need a roadtrip. Minneapolis anyone?

I am going to be so relieved when school is over. Next year, I plan to do this-sans working full time.... Work, school, a beau, and little sleep takes its toll on a body.

Pretty soon you can all bid the Neon- and its lack of shocks- adieu. I'm purchasing a brand new Civic! It's about time.

I seriously have the worst sleep pattern. I sleep a few hours then wake for a few. It sucks, a full nights sleep would be awesome.

So here is what is new in my world: Saturday night I went to see my friends play at the Ramada. Upon walking in the venue, Efrem who had learned that I was about to meet up with "him", cut me off in the lobby warning me with some very harsh news. It seems it took only 3 months for him to get married and move on. Right from that moment I had a hard time looking at him, knowing he had lied to me, and more importantly, hid something so important. I felt replaceable, and mostly I just felt like I wasn't even considered a good enough friend for him to share such significant news. Then I come to find out that MY friend knew, and didn't have the decency to give me any kind of forewarning. I would have much rather heard it from anyone BEFORE I went to the venue. I had to choke back tears right from the start, and Effy being the doll he is, stood by me all night. Literally. Fed me shots. I really didn't want to feel anything.

In the midst of this drama, I decided to call Jo, probably the only time I cried that whole evening. Now as he is the current beau in my life, I can't even express in words how much it meant to me that a) I could call him regarding something like this and b) how completely supportive he has been over the last few weeks. He has really surprised me, and despite the fact that I feel compelled to find a reason not to trust, he gives me every reason to feel the opposite. Then Sunday he said "You can feel however you want, I am not going to let you down." The fact that he said that is huge. The fact that I have met someone like that is huge. Even if fat Mat or Tre don't entirely agree haha.

I suppose I should sneak in a nap before I get my hair did. I feel so much better though, life only disappoints you for a short period of time, and then you realize that there are more important things to live for.

some pics:
I love this dude.


Party at the Ramada.

She's cute like this all the time

It is now approaching 6 am. Although I have spent a good part of my night preparing my annotated bibliography & final essay for my Academic Writing class, I don't think I could fall asleep even if I wanted to. Tre, why aren't you awake to keep me company? Oh right, cause you aren't a vampire like me.

Still can't find a good import car that isn't standard. I guess I will have to take Jo up on his offer to teach me, he wants me to drive his baby this summer anyway, so I will be forced to learn. His car is nice and retardedly fast, so this might not be a good idea for a girl who has a bad habit of getting pulled over for speeding. Haha he loves me enough to trust me with his car. So funny.

Heather and Alana are meeting with the travel agent today, so I will find out the exact date of departure by about noon today. I can't wait to leave "the barron wasteland" behind for a few weeks. Also, I can't wait to hang with Simon.

I should attempt to crash. Good night world.

This is my first post, and unlike livejournal or myspace blogs, I would like to keep this as private as possible. Maybe because when I know so many people are reading my work, I tend to sensor myself and shy away from typing the entire truth. Every emotion or feeling, and every insignificant ramble is important to me. So if you end up on my friends list, realize that I trust you wholeheartedly.